Mini Dogs and a Quarter Life Crisis

Vocation and calling has been an interesting thing for me. For five or so years I had one specific thing in mind for my career but God drastically called me to something else. I sensed a strong calling towards vocational ministry affirmed by others in my life. But, I wasn’t sure what that exactly meant. Was I a strong communicator? I could teach, but preaching wasn’t my forte. Could I sing? No, but I could play a mean clarinet and a few scales on piano. Was I good at riling up a crowd? I could fake it, but I was introverted through and through. So with all the typical public ministry gifts not overtly seen in my personality traits, I was left a little stuck. 

In the midst of trying to figure out what God had called me to, I bounced between jobs and during the inbetween, I ended up at the all-American restaurant Auntie Anne’s. This job has provided me with some of the best learning experiences of my life. It’s given me the opportunity to interact with people of different beliefs, work in a fast-paced environment, struggle with finances, and become content with God even when it feels as though He's all but forgotten me.

May these words encourage you to find safety, refuge, and security in God no matter where you find yourself in life. The goodness and grace of God isn’t found in the circumstances, they’re found in His grace and peace given through His Spirit to our soul.

A SACRED CALL

I briefly described the change in vocation but let me put some color to what exactly that looked like. I was teaching in a school before class on a typical Monday morning. Things were in their normal groove. Smiles were had, words were shared, metronomes blared, and all was right in good ole Mesquite, TX. But something felt different that morning. Nothing that alarmed me, just a gentle move of the Spirit that I wasn’t quite sure how to interpret.

Around this same time, I had started a Bible study with a few friends and it was exhilarating. Every week four of us would gather together, pick a text from Scripture, make teaching points, and pour out everything we knew for twenty minutes to a room full of our peers. It was one of the best times of my life and a catalyst for what would come ahead. 

In the middle of it all I had seen that there was a stark contrast between who I longed to be and who I actually was. I was arrogant, self-aggrandizing, and cold-hearted to the needs of others if it meant I had to sacrifice. I wasn’t solely bad, but I had my fair share of development that I needed to go through. Along the way I witnessed a man's life who I so desperately wanted to emulate. He was the pastor of my moms church and someone I had gotten to see from afar and it was simply amazing. This pastor would disciple other men, pray fervently for the congregation, make hospital visits, and genuinely care for the people God has entrusted to Him. One of those people happened to be me. 

I would ask my pastor questions for months on end after every service and eventually came to him with questions about what it meant to be called toward vocational ministry. A smile came upon his face as if he were expecting this. He asked me questions about why I wanted to do it, how long I had felt this calling, and prayed for me. A sense of peace began to overwhelm me that I had gone without for months, and in that moment I knew exactly what I had to do. 

The first call to action would be to start the inward renovation of the heart. Because God cares infinitely more about the type of people we are before the actions we commit ourselves to. Second was to find out what this call meant practically.

HIDDEN IDENTITY

I had finally realized that God had called me unto Himself, but now I was somewhat lost. Should I apply for jobs that most people in ministry do even if I don’t know how to do it? Do I go for something even if I’m not passionate about it? When I tell you that I was lost, this is no small exaggeration. But God was about to show me what it is He had for me.

During the last few months of my college career, one of my good friends had reached out to me about a writing opportunity. I initially said no because while I had always loved English, I wouldn’t have exactly called myself a writer. The most experience I had was late night papers over Spark Notes instead of the books I should’ve read. But I was eventually coaxed into a ‘yes’ and two thousand words later, I had written my first article for a Christian organization. It was sloppy, not very cohesive, but the process lit a fire within my soul. I kept this pace and began writing an article every week and found a flow that fit who I was and the way I cherished storytelling. This was eventually shared with my friends and church, then opportunities arose and others were affirming this gifting I stumbled upon. I had finally found the ministry God called me to steward.

Through writing down the stories of my life, I was able to process how God was shaping me in a way I had never experienced before. Within these words and stories, I had found what it meant to be at home with God. But alas, this wasn’t my career yet. This is where I encountered my job at Auntie Anne’s & Jamba.

I felt a tension that I hadn’t before. Because in college everything was aimed at my soon-to-be career. But in this occupation, nearly nothing around me seemed to help my future in any way. In the middle of slinging pretzels, 6:30AM shifts, and burned mini dogs, I began being formed in patience for the long haul.

Working in an industry that's service-oriented, I began to see the ways in which I was treated merely as a middleman for a sold commodity rather than a person worthy of honor and respect in all circumstances (even if I did get your order wrong..). This job would be the main source of income during my first venture into adulthood and living outside of either parents home or their financial backing. For the first time in every way, I was responsible for who I was and how that played out. All the while seeing best friends move away, become married, find thriving careers, I began to feel a sense of bewilderment. I thought I had followed God, done what He wanted for me, but the very things that define success or happiness were slipping by me. Was I doing something wrong? Why had God not given me the blessings that seem to come so naturally for others? I had mistaken the graces of God to look like my own distorted image of happiness rather than cherish the place God had me in. Yet for now in this moment, I wait, I trust, and see what God has for me.

PRAYER

God, be with me. When my heart begins to cry out for something more or something different, would You sustain me yet again? When there’s an angst in my soul, would You be the one to console me yet again? Would You show me that I’m safe within Your secure arms? I need not turn to my job or others for identity, because in You alone am I fully seen and fully loved. Amen.