Is God Enough?
“Is God enough?” I would love to be able to tell you that I always say yes, that I feel union with God in every moment, that there are never moments when I feel like God has disappointed me, but that would make me a liar. While I know the truth of who God is and how gracious He is towards me, I often can't help but think, “Did I do something wrong, God? Because why else would I not be where I want in life? Why else would I not have all my desires granted? Surely my heart and my wants aren’t that bad, so why is it that You just won’t love me enough to give me the gifts and the type of life I think I deserve?” Maybe your thoughts are more sincere and thankful than mine, but so often my heart will turn to this place of self-gratification over humility and gratefulness.
These words are for those who’ve had a vision for their lives and been met with disappointment, for those who long to be content in God yet can’t seem to get out of the rut of selfishness, and for the person who longs to live a life of grace and humility yet find themselves in a place where charity and hospitality seem to never be present in their day-to-day life. May these words be a blessing and a nourishment to your soul.
THE HEART'S DESIRE
Desire is an interesting thing to think about. Most of my life I would rarely view desire as good or bad, it was just something that happened. Obviously some were harmless like a desire for another dessert – always a yes. A desire for good grades? Who wouldn’t ask for that? Only when my desires began to cause grief and pain to others did I realize that I should take more seriously what it means for me to live my life in relation to others.
The first instance of this in my adult life happened during my college years. I was in my second year and finally starting to find friends rather than just lose acquaintances that I shared a laugh with every so often. As we began getting closer my heart slowly started to open up and I began to feel seen. Yet one of the friends I had made in this process was different than any person I’d met before. They were bright, cheerful, adventurous, and fiercely independent and for some reason we would rub each other the wrong way. Our highs were spectacular and our lows were as deep as one could imagine. My particular vice that would more-often-than-not cause the eruptions were my sense of humor and the way I would handle jokes. I would make jokes at their expense because I knew I could make everyone laugh with just the right words and slowly start to gain the image of ‘cool’ or ‘funny.’ Had I been funny my whole life and known that I’ve always been blessed with humor? Yes. But this didn’t stop me.
I cared more about my image and popularity than my friend who genuinely cared about my well-being. Sadly enough, this took me the better part of two years or so to finally learn the lesson that loving people was better than seeking the attention of others. During that time I probably wouldn’t have admitted to it because while I knew what I was doing was wrong, it wasn’t all of who I was. My strongest desire was to be known and loved by my peers at any cost, while also wanting to be a person of love and generosity to those around me. So I justified anything and everything so that I could feel peace when I laid my head to rest at night.
Maybe you’ve had times like this, where you’ve let your desires become more important than the people you love. Maybe you’ve let your desires rule you rather than you ruling them. Maybe you’re simply in the process of being formed into a person of love and grace. No matter where you are, here is the truth for all of God’s children; God is with you, God is in you, and God sustains you. The truth is eternal because the God we worship is eternal and unending. Never fret because God Himself will sustain us with His mighty arms so that one day we would gaze upon His beauty and experience a peace like no other.
PRAYER
God, thank You. Thank You for allowing each day an opportunity to gaze upon more of who You are. Thank You for giving me a heart that can experience all of what You have to offer. A heart that can experience love at its peak, grief at its lowest, and everything in between. Thank You most of all for giving me a heart that can grow to desire You more. A heart that seeks God is a heart that is finding its place in love and humility. God, may You continue to show me where I fall short, so that I can grow into all that You have called me to be. It’s to Your name that I pray, Amen.