What I’ve Learned in Singleness
Most of my life I’ve been single. While I have been in a relationship before, most of my young adult life has consisted of being single. I desire a relationship, but in God's providential wisdom, he’s deemed it not the right time (or maybe not at all). And honestly, it’s not fun. Watching friends get in relationships, loved ones with thriving families, and then there’s just little ole me all by my lonesome (or so I thought). The desire of my heart is to be in a relationship that makes me feel seen, safe, and soothed. That is not a bad thing at all, God made us that way on purpose. Every human heart desires those three things. But where those feelings are placed is the key. Over the past year, disappointment after disappointment seemed to happen at every turn of life. Loss of a beloved family member, loss of a friend, delayed rewards, and after so long I finally knew what it meant to be weary. Weary and burdened to the point that I subtly over time began to doubt the goodness of God. I would never say this, acknowledge it, or even admit to it but my habits, actions, and words were changing week by week. Mornings of solitude with God turned into meaningless streams of television. Prayerfulness that marked my life turned into endless scrolling through Instagram. Words of life and jubilee turned into fleeting jokes for the sake of a “good time” no matter how harmful they may be to me or others. I’d sorely mistaken myself that the evidence of God's love for me was based on my circumstances and feelings rather than Him and His perfect character. I just wanted the pain to go away but ended up looking in all the wrong places. But, my aim isn’t just to share my experience but to also help you in your journey with God as you either enter in or out of being in a relationship.
GOD SEES YOU
Everyone in life has a deep desire to be truly seen. Seen for who they are, and not who they think they have to be in order to be liked. The theme of being seen is first established through Biblical characters in the first book of the Bible. In Genesis 16, Hagar the slave of Abram and Sarai, is the first person to use the name El Roi to describe God. But before I tell you what that name means, let me fill you in on some of the back story. Abraham and Sarah are the two center points from which the whole bible will center around. Their story, land, and generations that proceed them set the foundation for the rest of the Bible because of the promise (Covenant) that God makes to Abraham.
For the purposes of this message, we’ll focus on one aspect of the covenant, to make the generations of Abraham as many as the stars in the sky. But no big deal right? Most couples have children at some point in their marriage, but the difference here was the stage of life they were both at. Sarah is described as “…past the age of Childbearing.” God is essentially putting the promises to bless the world and its inhabitants through two people considered to be out of their prime and quite frankly, elderly. As Sarah starts to evaluate the situation, she takes matters into her own hands. She has an Egyptian slave whose name is Hagar and tells Abraham to go lay with her despite explicitly being told that THEY would be who the covenant is made with, not another person to be a conduit through. Sarah does what all of us do when we doubt God, start to see and use people as a means to an end rather than those who we should share our love and care for.
Upon Hagar having Ishamel, she’s looked at with contempt by Sarah even though she was the one who arranged the whole ordeal and treated her so harshly she fled the scene. While away in the wilderness, an angel came to Hagar, asked her some questions, and revealed what some of the future for her and her child will look like. What's striking about the whole exchange is the name Hagar attributes to God, “El Roi” or “God who sees”. God saw her, God protected her, even when circumstances were bleak. When you think about God, do you believe that he knows and truly sees you? Do you believe he can handle the complexities of who you are and what you’re going through? Author and theologian AW Tozer once beautifully said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us”.
GOD IS YOUR SAFETY
Safety is an interesting concept. Children feel safe in the arms of their parents, dignitaries feel secure with a squadron of officers, and friends feel protected when loved ones stick up for one another when push comes to shove. But, people aren’t perfect. Harsh words are said, misunderstandings happen, and sin disrupts the flow of grace extended to one another. What ends up happening is we start to gain our perspective of God from our interactions with others. It's inevitable. But let me offer you a new perspective. If God is Holy, then he can’t sin. If God can’t sin, then he can’t sin against you. If God can’t sin against you, then he should be the most trustworthy being in all the universe. He won’t betray you, turn from you, or neglect you. That doesn’t mean that a life with God is easy, but it does mean that it's worth it. We carry burdens, go through hardships, but not in vain and certainly not alone. At every point in your walk with God you’ve always had the triune God of the Bible, Father, Son, and Spirit. Or put simply, you’ve always had a Father who has loved you perfectly, a brother who has taken you under his wing, and the Spirit who has kept and sealed you. That is the most beautiful, glorious, jaw dropping, awe inspiring, splendid, delightful, and joyful thing in the universe. But do you believe that? Whether that's easy for you to grasp or something that's gonna take discipline, dive into the scriptures and discover exactly who God is and the majesty that his story contains. Nothing is more secure than knowing the character of God and his word.
GOD IS YOUR COMFORTER
The groans of the heart are often signs of a call back home. They’re often filled with ice cream (Bluebell of course), a casual show on Netflix, or a long drive down a country road listening to your favorite song. What a gift to the soul all of those things are. At the right moment, that can be exactly the means of grace that will stir our hearts back to the goodness of God. Although these things are good, they shouldn’t be the primary means of finding satisfaction in God. Every generation has received the same means of grace all the way from the early church to our current day and age. God has instituted and provided his word, prayer, communion, and his people. The scriptures are meant to point us to the story of God and who he is, prayer pushes the believer to greater fellowship with him, communion serves as a means of tangible/visible means of the Gospel, and his people who are meant to serve as the hands and feet of Christ that propel others to greater fidelity to Christ.
Knowing the story of the bible is a multifaceted work on the heart and mind. You get to see figures in history who have made remarkable impacts in their city or nation, what it means to live of wisdom or of foolery, and how God providentially moves in the midst of every situation of all His people. Every single book, chapter and verse all points back to one unified story that all points back to Jesus, because he’s where the joy is. Communion isn’t talked about much in most Churches nowadays. Whether that be because it's only done seldomly, or simply because this generation of believers has lost the vitality of what it symbolizes and points us to. Taking in and receiving the bread (Body) and Wine (Blood) is a communal event where brothers and sisters in Christ get to look at one another, share the same meal, reflect on their own hearts, and rejoice in the work of Jesus who died, was buried, resurrected, and ascended to the right hand of the Father. In a culture that celebrates individuality heartily, this is the church's opportunity to convey the unity that we all have in Christ and to remember the comforts of having an eternal family with the same mission.
People are tricky. Your greatest and lowest moments in life have both probably been people oriented. The words they use can either bring words of life or the stench of death. In my own life, people have been the greatest blessing I could receive while on earth. They remind me of who I am to God, what they love about me, what it means to have a person that weeps with you in the sorrows of life, and to keep reminding me of the Gospel everyday. We all need people. The western church has minimized the need for communal like environments and ultimately for the worst. Anxiety, depression, divorces, and more are all at an record high and a substantial part of why is due to the lack of having genuine friendships with one another. You need friends who know you, love you, and remind you that God is better than every single gift or experience you could receive. They can serve as good and holy reminders to cherish God in every season of life. Even when you so desperately long for the family you dream of and don't see a path forward to obtaining one, God is still good.
USE YOUR TIME WISELY
The one commodity that every person has that's the same across the globe is time. You can never get it back and you can never get more of it. Use your time to build yourself into the person you long to be in the future. The person you’ll be five, ten, or twenty years from now is a byproduct of the way you’re spending your life now. Nothing more and nothing less. Start and build habits that will build your faith, grow your affections for God, grow the kingdom of God, and make you the person you hope to be in your marriage. Learn to navigate conflict well, learn to cook (I still haven’t fully yet, sorry mom), learn what your desires/goals are, see what makes you tick, and build your character. Whether you’re single and have been for years or soon on the horizon of marriage, remember that God is good, that he sees you, that he will provide you with everything you need, and to live in the glorious story that we get to be a part of by sharing the good news of the Gospel and loving the people around us. May these words serve as a blessing and encouragement to you on your walk with Christ and to live a life aimed at making the name of Christ famous to all . Missionary CT Studd once wisely said some words that ought to prompt us to make the most of every moment, “Only one life twill soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last.”
God Bless friends and love y’all!