The Story of Me
As I kick off this blog, I realize that many (if not most of you) don’t know much about who I am or what my story is. My hope is that while you’re reading this you’ll be able to relate to me in some ways, see joy amidst trials, have a good laugh, and above all, see how Christ uses an everyday person like me to display His glory to the world.
I grew up in a Christian household and NEVER missed a Sunday at church. We attended one of the biggest churches in America with an absolutely lively congregation. This was a traditionally black Pentecostal church full of loud preaching, electric organ, vibrant tambourines, and a people who loved to worship God in the brightest way possible. It was my norm for what church was meant to be all the way up to my pre-teen years. My family eventually left the church because the drive was out of reach for what we could do on a weekly basis.
I've never been the most extroverted person in the room and changing churches paired with starting middle school took me for a whirlwind. My parents knew that without a push, I would never take the initiative to go and make friends. So what did they do? They signed me up for a mission trip. Little did I know that this would be the catalyst for the start of my spiritual journey. The mission was to host a vacation bible school for impoverished kids in a city not too far from where we were. During the trip I had the chance to share the Gospel with one of the kids that came to our site. While presenting that message, all of a sudden I realized that this beautiful truth was also good news for me. That God loved me and gave Himself for me. Despite knowing every sin I had or ever would commit, He died on a cross and bore the punishment that I was meant to receive so that I may become the righteousness of God. I couldn’t believe that the God of the Bible was just that good and that merciful, but I digress.
Shortly after this trip I became even more involved in the church by going on more mission trips, attending weekly youth services, while also trying to juggle being in band. My life was a bit hectic to say the least, but my middle school years were the precursor to what I would eventually see in my time in high school. The longing to be seen, known, and loved was something that I could never quite grasp and this would be a theme prevalent all throughout my time in high school. To fill this void, I made a conscious decision to do one of three things:
Become funny (I was the definition of awkward)
Become extremely handsome (was not possible)
Become extremely talented (This was in my control)
Only one of these three things was possible, so the road to talent began. I practiced my instrument everyday, won regionally-recognized awards, and almost advanced to the state level all in my freshman year. The craziest part about it all was that it actually worked. I started making friends who liked being associated with me because of what I did, not because of who I was. But it filled the void in me, at least temporarily. Eventually even this became hollowed out “joy,” so I ventured into the dating world. I found someone who I assumed would complete me, but alas I was wrong yet again. The relationship turned sour within the first month and caused a rift between the two of us and another beloved friend I’d had since my first days in kindergarten. This would continue for several months, but a sigh of relief eventually came on the eve of a chilly winter's day after attending the local symphony concert. It finally felt as though I were on the precipice of a life I had always dreamed of. I was in a relationship I loved, had friends I adored, and a family that cherished me. What else could I need?
Heading into the summer of my senior year of high school, I took a mission trip to Haiti. This trip forever changed my life and worldview. The country itself seemed to be in somewhat of a dire state because of all the natural disasters that had hit, but the people were delightful and above all, joyful. They welcomed every one of the Americans on the trip with open arms and a gleaming heart. While on the trip I made a unique bond with an older couple from my church. They were a balm to my restless and aching soul. They helped me grieve the loss of a family member, showed me what it meant to live for God, and cared for me as if I were their own. I loved them. God used them to help prepare me for the next two years of life that stood before me.
My first year in college seems like a blur looking back because of all the events that unfolded. My parents told me they were getting a divorce a month into my freshman year, one of my mentors from Haiti passed away, my two year relationship ended, and my childhood dog passed away, all within an eight month timeframe. During all of this, I had bouts of anxiety, depression, and just plain loneliness. I felt like I had lost everything and that I had no hope for a brighter future. At the end of my freshman year I had come to the realization that I hadn’t followed God for over two years. The faith that once captured my heart had fallen by the wayside little by little every year. I knew I had two options, the first being to continue what I was doing (look where that had gotten me) or to trust and follow God. I picked the latter. The beginning of my journey looked like reading whatever Bible stories were familiar, watching sermons from old pastors I knew about, and praying. A lot.
The start of my sophomore year in college looked a bit brighter with these newly formed habits. I felt a peace only God could provide for what was ahead of me. The spring semester came about and two people would eternally change my life for the better. One of my band classmates invited me to a young adult ministry and after the first night, my heart was on fire. I heard truths that had never been explained to me, made friends with whom I could be myself, and found people with whom I could grow in Christ. I wasn’t just happy, I was joyful. Shortly after, I started a Bible study group on my college campus with three friends and realized I had a calling towards vocational ministry. I fought this calling with every fiber of my being. I knew I was good at music, I had taught at multiple schools while in college, and I had a clear path for what a career in Music Education would look like. Why would I leave it? So I didn’t. For the next two years I held off the calling that God had called me to. Two years later I found myself in a predicament where I could either finish my music degree or finish a ministry degree in the same amount of time. I called my friends, family, and anyone who may have an answer to what I should do. But God in His kindness had His own way of showing me the path He had for me.
While at a church one typical Sunday morning, I was writing notes in a Bible that I would later give to a friend as a birthday present. My pastor saw me doing this, asked me some questions about it, and said the words, “Have you ever thought about going into ministry?” I wanted to cry at that very moment. We continued talking and I told him about everything that I was praying about, what some of my fears were, and he wisely counseled my heart and mind. That night I had officially made up my mind on what my future plans would look like. Once the semester ended, I applied to Moody Bible College and was accepted to complete my Bachelors!
Nowadays, my life consists of interning at a church (with the best boss ever), working a part-time job, and trying to love and serve the Lord by loving His people well. My hobbies include reading theology books (I’m nerdy, I know), listening to podcasts, hanging out with my friends, and writing!
While this story was about my life, God is the hero of it all. He saved me from my pain, mistakes, but primarily from my sin. From the sin of pride, self-reliance, and so much more. But God revealed His beauty, majesty, and changed my heart from being a slave to sin, to one that's a slave to Christ and His perfect righteousness. Because of the grace of God I’ve been adopted by the Father, received a big Brother and Redeemer in Christ, and permanently indwelt by the Spirit who loves and keeps me until my last day. Why explain all of this? So that you and I may know God better and witness him in all of his loveliness.
My prayer is that you would start to see how God moved in the midst of your life and be bold in telling the story God Himself has given you! Thank you for starting this journey with me as we all learn, grow, and become who we’re meant to be on our walk with God.
Love ya, friends!